A few kids hang from the rafters while others watch the latest trance-setting TV show. Hair in a messy bun. Clothes with mustard stains. Cereal and crusty milk stuck to the forehead. Dogs are barking, and cats are scratching up the couch. Suzie and Bart are arguing over who had “that” toy first– even though neither one cared about “that” toy until it bothered the other to have it in their possession—screaming at your kids at the top of your lungs, letting out a “little” curse here and there—nagging at your husband.
A jumbled mess of anxiety has filled the room, and the day has only just begun. The only respite is that fresh cup of coffee waiting for you, like a warm hug. Day after day, we find the coffee is just a temporary bandage, a temporary escape from reality– a distraction, not a fix. We observe this as the days drag on and the problem only gets worse– as those little bits of anxiety from every little thing seemingly “gone wrong” add up to a mountain of sorrow and depression until it overshadows us like a gloomy night of the soul.
“Thank God I have my man cave,” you say as you escape to the garage and grab a beer. You are pretending to work on something constructive– that “honey-do” list you’ve avoided for months. You know– that list she’s asked you to work on for the 25th time– the one you never seem to have enough time for. Things like fixing the step on the back porch so little 1-year-old Eli doesn’t bust his head or fixing the toilet in the spare bathroom, so you have more than one to use for the six of you aren’t a priority. Reasonable requests, you think, but you charge them as “nagging” to keep her off of your back (which is gaslighting, mind you). Now, amidst all of the chaos inside the home, you have magically found the time to take care of some of them all of a sudden. Slowly, taking your time… making sure not to work too quickly– lest you finish too soon and have to deal with the kids while they are still going nuts.
Do you think this avoidant behavior is uncommon? Because it’s not. You’re stressed to the max, so all that stress has turned into depression, depression into procrastination, and procrastination into complete avoidance of responsibility. You’re not alone, but a lot of work must be done to walk out of this cycle. However, it is more than possible. It is guaranteed with much work.
You come together. The wife resents the husband for not helping with the kids; the husband thinks he should have taken care of things on the “list.” The wife thinks the husband could have taken care of items on the list, but what else is there? The kids are young; this is life. The husband thinks the wife is a nag.
Stressed and depressed as individuals, anxious and triggering one another, the division is caused in the marriage.
But where do we go from here? NuWell is here to help you. Our highly qualified counselors will help you as individuals with anxiety, depression, and stress, as a couple with tension, triggering, and division, and as parents with avoidance, a short fuse, and not knowing what to do. Contact NuWell for all your mental health and coaching needs, and we will help you get your life on track.